And Yet … I Choose Joy

It’s 5:45 in the morning. I log roll over and dangle my feet over the edge of the bed. 

My head hurts and those dangled feet ache. My neck is screaming for release of constant pain. My eyes are dry and yet unfocused. My hands feel like immovable clumps.

And despite elevating them all night, my legs are still swollen and painful.

These days I start each day with ever present pain and an unsteadiness that needs to wear off by moving forward despite the great urge to just lie back down.

Nausea follows me to the kitchen and tells me that nothing will sit well in my stomach quite yet.

The thought of coffee both entices and repulses me.

I begin my long list of morning stretches and feel the torn muscles of my shoulder expand with pain, as something clicks back into place. 4 months out from the fall that dislocated my shoulder, broke my nose, injured knees, and left me with a concussion…and still I hurt in every possible place. Adding this new thing to all the decades old “other things” has made me a little cranky this morning.

And what do I see first thing on my iPhone: “Be Happy!  Don’t Worry!”  

Oh goodie! (eye rolling) Sure. 

Tell me again…how?

One big glass of water later and the coolness spreads throughout my body. 

Stepping out onto my deck, I feel all the “things” begin to shift and slowly fade.

A few more minutes of stretching and moving my head around and letting my eyes land on my neighbor’s magnolia tree and the roses underneath … my other neighbor’s umbrella slightly swaying in the breeze and my mood lifts along with the fog from my brain. 

I breathe in the summer’s early air and I say out loud, just so I can hear myself think, “This is another morning I am alive, another chance, another time to cherish the good and the bad, the fair and the unfair.” 

Another voice whispers in my ear: “Be thankful you can stretch and move.”

And in spite of myself, I smile. 

Joy came to me all on its own by way of gratitude. 

I laugh a little out loud at myself and look over to see my other neighbor, who is smiling and shaking his head at the crazy he sees, as I maneuver through my modified yoga moves. 

I greet him and the new morning with a nod, ratted hair and all.  

I give silent thanks for little things and welcome all the joy that may come my way today and I walk back inside, ready for that coffee now. And oh, yes, don’t I have strawberries in my fridge too? Aren’t I a lucky girl?

And now I  “namaste” to the world and say it out loud…Thank you, Lord, for this day.

“This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Psalm 118:24