I love a party!
Notice I did not say I love TO party.
That tiny word makes all the difference in the world.
Hear me out on this.
I love the festive air of people getting together.
Early in my career, I felt awkward walking in to large business parties…75-100 in attendance. I didn’t quite know what to do with myself, or where to walk, what group to join. I remember one pretentious corporate party where I spent an inordinate amount of time in the gilded bathroom, wishing I had brought a book.
I spent an entire year thinking that everyone was looking at me at these business gatherings, scrutinizing my every move. And then I realized they were just looking for the party trays of delicious food… looking for the good stuff!
It was so much better when I relaxed and arrived with the expectation of having fun and maybe even connecting with a few fellow life-travelers.
Now, I love those beginnings, especially at parties of friends, family, and potential friends.
I love the sweet anticipation of it all. You can feel hope in the atmosphere and joy waiting to multiply.
If you have centered your Zen and dialed your radar up to 10, you can even discern the longing for belonging in between all those other sensations.
If you stand still and close your eyes …
you can hear the many sounds of laughter. You can hear the glasses clinking, the beverages being poured, the whisk of clothing as people gravitate to their spots, and the whoosh of air as they settle in.
In my family we love appreciative food sounds too…the “ummm” and the “yum”; the “wow”, and the “oh, my gosh, have you tried this one yet?”
Best of all I love the low hum of conversation percolating in the different groups. Each one takes on a unique personality for as long as it is a group. In the best of parties, people mingle and change groups throughout the night, getting to know those different personalities better.
I do so love a party!
With all this gush about parties, you would think I might be a “Life of the Party” girl.
Oh, No! I am anything but that!
Though, I do love to watch and listen to those charming folks. They mesmerize me. And they’re fun.
I cheer them on, but I’m not one of them.
Gifted Drifters…
And I love the folks who can “work the party” as we used to say in corporate America. I say that “tongue in cheek”, because these are truly gifted drifters. Over the course of the night, they will have checked in with each and every group, contributing to the conversations of all of them, delighting with their wit, their banter, their knowledge of so many different things. And then they glide out and on to another group, adding value and interest wherever they land. I am in awe of them.
I’m not one of these either.
Who am I at gatherings now? I’m a self-described immersion conversationalist.
In the beginning I’m in observation mode, take my time, and enjoy myself as I meander and absorb the good vibrations of the party, until I find a group to join. And then I settle in and immerse myself completely.
At any given time raucous laughter can be heard, or lots of leaning in to get every word someone is saying amid lots of intense facial expressions. At this point of total immersion, I am completely unaware of party trays or any other distractions. It’s the conversation that I care about.
Good conversations are precious gems to me.
Words heard and words spoken are the source of new ideas and the foundations of good relationships. And I am always, always open to that.
If it is family or people who feel like family, then you’ll also find me in the big, huggy groups. Those groups are the heartbeat of vibrant parties. This is where the story telling happens and the new stories are born. I want to be there, present for it all!
My specialty, though, is the party of two or three. That’s where the deep dive conversations are taking place. It doesn’t matter the topic, I am in for those conversations any time, any day, or any late night. And if they are taking place outside, staring at the heavens too, I am in … completely enthralled.
I’m not any good at “chit-chat”. I wish I were, but I can only last about 30 seconds.
After that, I’m all in for the story, the funny one, the heartfelt one, the 4 tissue one, the heartbeat alarm one, even the passionate fiery one where you lovingly discuss the pros and cons of, well…just about anything. That’s where my heart lies. That’s where my personality comes alive.
The Power of the Pause…
These conversations thrive best where the dynamics ebb and flow naturally.
I love when people speak and pause…sometimes for effect…and sometimes just to let someone else in.
When we don’t come up for air, is when we lose that golden opportunity to hear someone else speak, to listen to what they have to offer to the table.
These are my personal observations about parties and conversations!!
They remind me of how I view personal conversations with God.
I think there are some parallels from party conversations to private ones with God.
For example, was there a time when you felt awkward starting a conversation with God…praying?
He’s not looking to scrutinize our every word. He is looking for the party trays…the good stuff in us.
Do we wake up our senses as we approach our prayer time with Him? Do we carve a special space or time for Him?
Do we view Him as “family” and give Him our real truths, our stories?
Do we completely immerse ourselves in those conversations?
Do we offer chit chat when He might want more? How do we get to the place of calm, a sense of belonging and an ease in beginning our time with Him?
If we decide to “deep-6 the chit chat” and deepen our relationship with Him, we will need to disclose the whole truth and nothing but the raw truth about where we are at that very moment.
If we hide in the bathroom, we will lose the opportunity to find out more about Him and ourselves, what He has in mind for us and our future.
When we listen more than we talk, we create the space to hear and to grow each time we gather with Him.
At those precious times we need to pause to hear Him and let His words sink in.
Often I hear folks say, “But God never speaks to me.” And it makes me wonder…is it partly because we are taking up too much air time and not pausing to truly listen to what He has to say. When we pray, do we stop and sit with the quiet and wait? More than 30 seconds?
Our attentive silence will let Him into our hearts and into our lives.
And then pouring our hearts out to Him will feel like new life to us.
Listen closely and you can hear the sounds of love, grace, and mercy mingling between your soul and God, the real Life of the Party.
Around the Table 